*This entry is not meant to offend anyone's beliefs or religion. I am simply stating my fears and thoughts. *When someone you love dies, the most popular thing you hear people say to try and comfort you is that they're "in a better place now". Are they really? Where is that place? And why and how is it better? I was raised Catholic, but the last time I was in a church was for my Grandma's funeral back in January. I've always said that I would go back to regular mass on Sundays, but so far that hasn't happened. I've even reached out to an old high school friend that's training (is that the right word?) to become a priest. There were times when he's tried to help me but I always back out from the church activities he's invited me to.
The Catholic belief is that after you die, your soul/spirit goes to Heaven. Does that only apply to people? What about animals? The numerous amounts of ants that I've killed since we've lived in this house......did they have souls or spirits? Where did they go after they died?
I lost my best friend Trevor, 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident. He was only 20. Not a day goes by where I wonder why did he leave so soon? I do believe he is somewhere beautiful, but I don't know where that place is. I miss him everyday and wish I could see him again.
What if I suddenly die in an accident? Or discover I have a life threatening disease? What if I die before seeing my son grow up? What happens to me if I never find the answers I've been looking for? I desperately want to believe in something. Of course, I don't want to force myself to just "believe" like I feel like many people do out of the need of just "belonging". Sometimes I lie awake praying, but I don't know to whom. I feel like someone is listening but it also makes me uneasy because I don't know who/what this entity is.
I need help. I feel so lost. I feel so afraid. Are you there God? It's me, Kristine.........
You know... I think most of us don't really know.
ReplyDeleteI know ghosts still roam around, husband see's ghosts and he's seen a ghost of my grandfather (he thinks it was him) who I miss so much. So I know they're still around. But it conflicts with my belief that we have past lifetimes. I believe animals have souls and that they do go somewhere beautiful. However, I'm not really sure about bugs. You had me thinking about the ants thing. Where DO ants go?!
I don't have an answer for you Steeny, sorry. But I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I worry about things like this all the time to the point where it drives me crazy. But it's nothing we have much control over.
Wow. When my Grandpa died, my sister saw his ghost all the time. I believe in past lifetimes too.... and then I feel so confused since I was brought up to believe in Heaven. I guess I never mourned properly all the people that I lost. I've figured out that's why I don't sleep much at night. I'm too worried about what they're up to (wherever they are, Heaven, or a new life) and if they even remember me. It sounds quite silly now that I think about it. =(
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comforting words. I don't really talk about religion since it's a pretty sensitive subject with most people but if I didn't get my words down I'd probably explode. Or implode. LOL